Those Big Brown Eyes- Raven, March 26, 2001-March 29, 2012

In the 1950's, I read an article in The Readers Digest, titled "A Warm Heart and A Cold Nose". What could this be about? I thought. Well, to any of us dog lovers, we now know exactly; "Man's Best Friend",of course, woman's too. There has never been a time in my life without a dog or two, mostly small cause of the kids. My ego promised that someday I would have a big dog, a "Man's Dog". My wish came true in 2009, when I married Harley, my daughter's mother-in-law, another great story. Harley owned two standard Poodles, Raven & Cooper. Raven was the biggest a standard could be, while Cooper was on the smaller side of standard. When Raven and I first looked eyeball to eyeball, I knew who owned who. I was going to be happy to serve him. Take him outside to walk and pee, call him to dinner, sneak him a human cookie from my secret stash, when Mother was not around. He had to lick my plate, even before I was done my meal. Throwing balls or toys around for Raven to fetch was his favorite past-time; my arm got so sore. You know the list. I enjoyed the most was "Man Time"; we sat and talked to each other as I gently rubbed his ears with the heel of my hand or scratched his chest, that place no dog can get to. We were eyeball to eyeball, sharing love and respect and just being guys. The best of friends we were. We even fought wars together and had celebrations to our victories. Victory was to allude us all in this last great battle. Our spirits and our hearts were no match for the dreaded desease. Shortly after 1PM on March 29th, Harley, Cooper, Max and I allowed our vet to gently release Raven's great heart, his great spirit and close "Those Big Brown Eyes" - forever. The sting is too great; the emptiness is too vast and the loneliness is too horrific. And we are too aware that way too many of you have had or will have this same great loss. God please help us...

And, the Beat Goes On

Raven continues to be an enigma. We did get his results back from the biopsy only to confirm the original diagnosis of transitional cell carcinoma. We were surprised and not. Our only barometer is his behavior and we could see he wasn't feeling well. The last two weeks have continued to be an up and down roller coaster. He's added an addition to our woes; poor appetite. We fight on with blind faith. I've had to put my chef's hat on and be really creative around meal time. His meals are nothing less than gourmet. I am so thankful for the years of treating dogs and cats with acupuncture at the end stages of life. Cancer is a defiant, brutal mystery. I did gather a wealth of knowledge from the animal owners as to the many challenges and solutions for the purpose of providing comfort as their pets ventured into the period of transition. What inspirations they were to watch as they cared for their beloved best friends! Last Saturday we were pretty sure that Raven was giving up and his time was short and so we were both in tears, not the first time, as we drove him to a homeopathic doctor who specializes in animals. After our visit we were again encouraged to "battle on" with a new plan that may deliver some quality to his life. The last three days have been over the top. Raven's attitude, his energy and his functions are very good. We're basking in the results of homeopathy as we turn blue. Today is the only day that counts. He is with us and we rejoice in his great spirit as we give thanks. Just another day... we pray-beg...

The Bad News and The ...........

Raven's story continues to unfold in strange and unique ways. We met with a surgeon, Dr. Drygas, last Saturday to review the case about Raven. The two previous ultrasounds had proved conflicting. The doctor wasn't interested in doing surgery based on the two different viewpoints, so he wanted to schedule a surgical ultrasound. He explained that the previous pictures were a snapshot, not dynamic. He needed to see how the mass looked as Raven's body was moved and turned, a video. A surgical ultrasound was scheduled for Tuesday, along with a bladder tumor antigen urine analysis. Raven wasn't to be put to sleep and it was a pretty easy test for him to last only fifteen minutes. Dr. Drygas said, with a high level of certainty, it still looked like TCC, which is transitional cell carcinoma of the bladder. He also said it was located in an area that was in operable (which we have heard before.) I was speechless and once again felt hopeless. We were given the same bad news about what to expect and how long he had before the tumor caused severe problems for him. We left totally wiped out and incredibly sad. We didn't have the results of the tumor antigen test, but Dr. Drygas was certain it would come back positive for the cancer cells. Last night we got a call from Dr. Drygas saying the tumor anitgen test came back and showed NO SIGNS OF CANCER CELLS. He was surprised and said it could still be TCC, but now he wanted to do a needle biopsy of the bladder to see if that came back positive for TCC. Raven went in this afternoon for the biopsy, which was minimally invasive and now we wait again for the results, which will be in sometime next week. Again our BOY says, "Don't count me out yet!" Stay tuned more to come next week.................

The Roller Coaster Ride

We had hoped to post updates on Raven on a regular basis, yet each time we began, our intended news would flip upside-down. We get new and different test results along with new and different prognosis every couple of weeks. To say we are on a roller coaster ride is putting it mildly. This ride feels like no one is in charge and we are in a continuous loop of ups and downs. I just ran across a Chinese saying, "One joy shatters a thousand griefs." How true those words are for us right now. Raven has had some incredibly good days. There have been days where he actually ran and played like a puppy. Funny, we are afraid to talk about it because we may hex him. The good days are great and the rest are just awful. He has had another sonogram and now "they" say the tumor is not where it was and maybe it can be removed. Wonder why we aren't jumping for joy? We were told the tumor was inoperatble and that it was "most likely" a transitional cell carsinoma of the bladder. We were told that its location prohibited it from being safely removed. We have lived with that information for over a month. Now we are expected to quickly forget that information and look at the new information and be happy? If the mass can be removed, we want that. But, where is the time to adjust and process the new information? Make a new plan? Wish, hope, dream, that this will all turn out to be just a rough patch and he will be just fine? We hear things like well these tests just aren't easily read and anything can change the pictures. He could move during the test, or have gas, or ????????? So, ok why didn't you tell us that in the first place??

He has gone through antibiotic meds and cancer meds (not chemo). He has been poked and prodded and he has hung in there for us. He is "RAVEN" and he has a strong spirit. Thank goodness for that because it has helped us stay sane, we hope. So here we are today and today is just an ok day for him. Last night was awful! We both feel so helpless at times. He can't tell us what is going on and that is so frustrating!

Saturday we meet with a surgeon to get his opinion. But, in the end it's just another opinion and the hard decisions will be left up to us. Allopathic medicine is such a flawed system. Are we ever going to get it straight? The doctors are trying, the system just doesn't work!
Enough time spent on our feelings.

Raven says, "I sure LOVE all those pieces of goat cheese you give me. I don't like whats in the middle of them, but the outside is sure yummy!"

His life goes on and we are so grateful for everyday....even the yucky ones!

Raven, January 3, 2012

I had every intention of wishing everyone a Happy New Year and recouting our adventureous move to Florida, as you can see from the above December date. However, we now find that course has been altered by our beautiful, senior poodle, Raven.

This photo was taken in July on our front porch while Raven and Cooper cooled off escaping the hot Florida sun. He looks great, doesn't he? To our dismay, that was then. Now...

We wanted to share this latest adventure with all his animal and human friends. It's not an "oh happy days" story, yet one we are obligated to share.

Raven has had difficulty with his hind end for almost a year, to the point that it was getting more difficult to jump up on furniture and our bed, which he LOVES to do. This October we decided to take him for some physical therapy. He has never been diagnosed with joint problems, but becasue of his age he was thought to have a little arthritis. An occassional rimadyl usually calmed his discomfort. We found a vet that we love who does PT, using a cold laser, massage and water therapy. Raven began his treatments in early November and for a few weeks really enjoyed his sessions and seemed better. By mid December it was evident that he wasn't improving and actually getting worse. We discontinued the therapy, hoping to return at a later date. December 15th. x-rays were taken of his back and it was determined his issues lay in the thoracic area of his spine and not the lumbar area. We then began a regiment of prednesone and tramadol for pain. He continued downward and we were referred to a neurologist for further evaluation. Raven was seen on Friday, the 30th, for a consult, blood work and a urinalysis. It was recommended we wean Raven off his present meds to get a clearer view of where his pain was located. On Sunday Raven started urinating blood and was put on an antibiotic and showed some improvement. However, later that day he began pacing and panting in real discomfort. We gave him pain medication, and I administered acupuncture. Within three hours he began to calm down. He returned on Monday to the neurologist for further evaluation. His blood work showed an increase in red and white blood cells and the urinalisis was also showing signs of problems. Many recommendations were made. We decided to do an abdominal ultrasound. Within the hour Raven had been scanned and a bladder mass was indentified. We abandoned all further neurological tests and were given an appointment with an oncologist for the next morning. Dawn broke and we awoke to the horrible sight of a dog that had lost his spirit. Laying with head down and hard breathing plus no strength to rise up, Raven seemed not of this world. Keep in mind, this all through the eyes of two people that had been crying all night, with their spirits broken. His dad leashed him up, nearly carrying him outside, and to his surprise, Raven woke up and began to yank his dad around the yard and bark at the little "yapper" across the street. He also barked at me to receive a treat from his cookie jar. In our dpression we were too quick to resign ourselves to the inevitable. Many lessons are to be learned by this , yet no time, off to the oncologist. Raven, as we've known him, arrived to entertain, love and lick all the staff, as he relished in the attention from all. What a guy! The oncologist was amazing in her demeanor and explanation of options. We have chosen the least invasive and most comfortable course to follow, based, primarily, on his age and our own beliefs.
We received many details to ponder along with many different possible expectations. John and I are comfortable in our decisions and appreciate what we've learned about the animal friends, that the the Good Lord has loaned us for a "breif time". The "purest" form of Love is exemplified by these creatures that live their lives to ask one question of us. " Did I do good, did I. Huh Huh; did I???"

We are blessed with such a "Dream Team": our family vet, Dr. Ann Silverness; our neurologist, Dr. Jeff Clarke, and our oncologist, Dr. Tracy LaDue.

And, of course, We thank God, for rewarding us all with such a joyous responsibility.

We will report regularly on this blog to keep all his friends updated on his journey. Please keep us all in your prayers, as you are in ours.